"I'd even watch sports with him.."
I feel I am at risk for being slightly pathetic by writing this.. but I like someone. This feeling, in a way, scares me. Because it means I can potentially get hurt again.
Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements.
CS Lewis said it best when determining what to do with your heart, but I’m choosing to ignore these wise words I followed almost religiously since my last breakup and risk the pain for another shot at love again. I miss love. I miss sharing my life and its containments with someone.
I feel like a giddy high schooler right now. This is real. The safety I feel when wrapped up in his arms (for the first time last night) is insanely addicting. I wish he were right next me to this very moment just so I could burrow myself in the nook under his arm. I’d be content in that nook for days. I don’t feel like he’d ever do anything to hurt me. He is such a genuine, beautiful man in my eyes.
We kissed last night for the first time and our lips and tongues synced beautifully with each others immediately as if they were meant to be joined. I was slightly intoxicated, mind you, tiptoeing to wrap my arms around his neck. Liquid courage masked the shyness this man injects me with, but I medicated myself with too much. I don’t know how to act around him.
I like him so much that I’d watch sports with him. If you know me, this is serious. I hate sports, but with him (and only him), I’d sit through any kind of ridiculous game for the rest of my life with a smile on my face. He makes me want to be a better person, because the kind of girl he deserves is a special one. I want to be that girl for him. I’d move to the country with him and become completely submerged in an unfamiliar, simple life that contrasts with my current life of designer handbags and fancy home decor. He and I are opposites. I love the fact that he isn’t impressed with high-tech cell phones or expensive clothes. He’s a simple man’s man and it drives me insanely wild.
This may sound crazy.. but perhaps I am back in Kalamazoo for a reason. Maybe it’s him. Or maybe I am getting a little too ahead of myself. Take a deep breath, Brandy. Wait and see.
4 days ago • 3 notes
Would it be easier if we could always tell when we are being lied to?
People lie.
It is our nature to try to fabricate the easier road.
I would suggest the road to telling when others are lying to you is to first recognize when you are lying to yourself — particularly in the belief that you have not lied or hurt other people by it.
Can you love someone who lies to you? Absolutely! Parents love their children and kids are prone to try to escape consequences of what they’ve done. But does the parent stop loving them? By no means!
Understand lying. It is a defense mechanism for taking responsibility for one’s actions. It’s not personal, so don’t take it personal. The one who would lie to you to try to make their lives easier would also lie to anyone else for the same reason. Stop taking it personally! Instead love the person, but recognize they feel threatened enough by something they’ve done (or left undone) to trigger a self-defense reaction. Then seek to understand why. Rather than getting hung up on the fact that they DARED lie to YOU. Remove yourself from the equation, for their sake. Discern beyond the fabrication, to the reason for the fabrication for the sake of helping those you love become all they can be.
We all lie. It’s inevitable.
[griz, soulpancake]
1 week ago • 1 note
I really do.
But I look for the person I convince myself you really are, deep down. He is who I want you to be. But you’re not. I’m silly to believe you’ll ever change for me. I keep hurting myself over and over believing you will.
But why is it that I am fabricating YOU of all people?
We have a past we don’t want to let go of. Spun with lies, deceit, and bitterness.. yet, a passion for each other that isn’t easy to ignore.
I truly feel like I hate you sometimes. I wish you’d lose every thing in your life, reach an all time low, so you’d feel how lonely I feel sometimes.
But sometimes every thing is okay. And I enjoy resting my head on your shoulder, inhaling your scent. Reminds me of old times. We have fun together when we’re not bickering. Then I start all these scenarios in my head that we’ll run away together and declare that it’s ‘us against the world’.
Enough is enough.
2 weeks ago • 12 notes
I made this mistake before, and I swear, the next relationship I’m in, the next man I fall in love with, he will know. He will know the every inch of my heart in which he is contained.
2 weeks ago • 8 notes
