observer. artist. cat lover.
i’ve mastered escapism.
i’ve been peering at my surroundings with a crystalized perception. i am not living in this world, but i am going through the motions of it all. i am present, but i am on auto pilot. and this is how i live my life; without you. numbness- it works. it makes the grey okay. distractions have become my salvation. work has become my floatation device. everything is a fucking blur, but the blur is safe. and safety is something i’ve never really felt with you. remarkably, i don’t despise the person staring back at me through the mirror anymore. the person staring back at me is broken, but she’s worthy of love. she’s this chaotic mess, but it’s a beautiful mess; one to be handled with care. this is step one. the absence of you presents itself in a bittersweet fashion. i miss you, or maybe i miss the idea of you, but you weren’t good for me in the first place. i never really wanted you. i’ll take it. it’s like i’m finally starting to realize the validity of what my heart and mind has been telling me all along. and i’ll be okay.. because it was never real love in the first place. and by love, i am talking about love with layers- layers of passion and of mutual curiosity. and if since i want that, my only choice is to walk on. adieu, my love.
so for now, i’ll allow the representative for myself take over. i’m not quite sure who she is, but she’s alright. she gets shit done. slowly, but surely. life may be monotonous, but it’s the best she can do. it’s easier this way, you know?2 months ago • 0 notes