Young Heart

Every little girl supposedly dreams of her future wedding.  In her mind, she creates the image of the perfect white dress.  She pictures her best girlfriends as her bridesmaids and some dashing Prince Charming waiting at the altar for her.  Of course the diamond ring is big and sparkly, and Mr. Charming is tall, dark, and handsome.  Or I suppose girls today are dreaming of cutesy hipster band boys..  who knows.  So anyway, she puts on her mother’s lipstick, puckering up in the mirror as she envisions that perfect kiss..  The kiss that binds her in holy matrimony..  and she’ll happily ever after with that man, til death do them part.

I was not that little girl.  To me, boys smelled and I couldn’t care less about playing dress up.  I think I learned very quickly that happily ever afters don’t exist.  Growing up as an only child, I became a silent observer.  People mistook me for shy, but in reality, I was just taking everything in.  Forming my own opinions on the world without allowing others to interrupt my train of thought.  A big thank you to my dysfunctional parents, marriage was never something I desired as a little girl.  The three of us, Mom, Dad, and I were separate entities.  I learned independence at a very young age because in most cases, the only person I could depend on was myself.  Strength was built, as were walls, and knowledge came to me quickly.  As a child, I never had what it took to take care of myself completely, but I always figured out ways in which to make myself comfortable.  I had to.  And in most cases, I would always try and escape.  Escape from reality by entertaining myself with books, music, and dreams.  I was a smart little girl.  I learned my parents decided to get a divorce when I was 10 years old.  Instead of expressing the normal reaction of anger and confusion that any young child would naturally express provided their parents were splitting up, I nodded silently, picked up the cat, and went to my room to watch The Brady Bunch.  I understood.  

Not so much has changed.  It never does.  Take a look back into your childhood.  Who were you?  What were you interested in?  Chances are, deep down, you are still that child.  Embrace it.  It is the key to your happiness.